It's been a while since I've had to deal with this, but seeing this hit really close to home.
It's so easy for people to judge what someone else is going through. To say, "They should do this," or "They should do that." But if you've never lived through it and you don't know the person or their situation, you have ZERO idea what they should do. And I can promise you, if you've never been through it, you have ZERO idea of what you'd do in the same position.
I know I've been guilty of doing this too. We say, "If I were in that situation, I'd do XYZ..." But the truth is we have no idea what we would do.
We aren't living in that person's life. We don't know the nitty gritty behind whatever is going on. We haven't lived the ins and outs of what's going on. And we certainly don't know the feelings involved.
The best thing we can do is to just be there for that person. For whatever it is they're going through. Don't pass judgment. Don't assume to know what's best for them. Don't try to "fix" it for them. Just be there.
In 2017, when my life flipped upside down, that was the best thing people did for me. Most of them asked how they could be there for me, what they could do. They didn't presume to know what was best for me. They didn't try to fix it. They were just there.
The hardest part was the people who reached out and said, "Let's get together. I can tell you exactly what to do (or should do) in this situation."
Like...wow. Thank you for knowing exactly what you'd do in my life, without really knowing anything about me or the situation.
It's very presumptuous and honestly, a major turn off. When you're supposed to be friends with someone, telling them what they "should" do in a horrible situation isn't exactly friend-like.
I can promise you, 100%, that you have no idea what you'd do in any given situation until you are in it. I had no idea how I would react when my husband was arrested. First, I never imagined it would actually happen to me, so I hadn't even thought about it. Second, it's such a life altering thing to happen that you truly don't even see it coming. It blind sides you...knocks you on your butt. Completely and utterly.
And that, my friend, takes time to work through. You don't wake up the next day and instantly know what you're going to do. It isn't an easy answer, despite the circumstances. It isn't something you just know...there are so many feelings and moments and things you have to work through.
And again, the best thing to do is to be there for the person...for your friend. Let them work through their feelings. Through the craziness that follows a life altering event. Let them decide what they will do...what they "should" do.
The truth is they're the one who has to live with their decision. And until they're ready to make that decision, they won't. And you shouldn't judge them for that.
Be there. Love them. Tell them how strong they are. How brave. How they'll get through this. And in the end, it will all work out.
So let's love one another. Stop being so judgmental. Stop being so hard on one another. Let's just be there and support each other and remind each other that we aren't alone.
I hope all have a beautiful week!
With love and wellness,