There really are no words for the love and support and prayers we’ve felt over the past few weeks. It brought me so much peace knowing how many people were saying prayers for our sweet girl.
There are also really no words for what Nick and I are going through. No parent should ever have to suffer through losing a child. Whether in utero, at birth, as a child, a teenager, an adult. It doesn’t matter when. Parents are meant to pass away before their children.
But that doesn’t always happen. Unfortunately, far too often, children pass away long before they should. It is heartbreaking and devastating and a pain you didn’t know existed. And one that never goes away.
Yet, somehow, in the craziness of all that has happened, I’ve found a peace in being able to say goodbye to Kynsleigh. To hold her and know her for the short time we had. We delivered her on Friday, May 22nd at 7:19p.m. She came into this world peacefully asleep and beautifully ours. We were able to say goodbye, to pray with her, for her, and over her, and spend as much time as we wanted with her.
This brought a great peace to my heart. My precious girl was too sick to stay in this world with us. God called her home early, and I know she is now whole and perfect and healthy. In seeing her and in the pictures we have of her, you can see the fluid build-up in her belly from her heart failure. Her poor, sweet heart couldn’t keep up with circulating her blood through her body. There was nothing we could do, but let God decide. And now she’s home with Him.
I also learned so much more about congenital heart defects (CHDs), something I didn’t really know much about nor did I realize how insanely common it is. Nearly 1 in 100 babies is born with a heart defect in the US each year. CHDs can affect the heart’s shape or how it works or both. They can also be mild or serious and many require surgeries in the baby’s first year of life.
In our sweet Kynsleigh’s case, both her heart’s shape and how it works were affected, and her condition was very serious. Incompatible with life serious. Had she survived to birth, she would have endured several surgeries in her first year of life and quite possibly throughout her life.
Nick and I would have fought tooth and nail for Kynsleigh, but it would have been so difficult watching her go through these surgeries, not being able to do anything but pray.
We put it in God’s hands when we learned of her heart defects and while it was so difficult to learn He called her home, we know she is in a better place.
I’m so thankful for the two nurses we had at Sentara Norfolk General Hospital. Who understood what we were going through and did everything to ensure we were comfortable, we had time to spend with Kynsleigh, and took care of her as if she were their own. We felt at ease bringing her into this world and being able to spend as much time with her as we could. I wouldn’t have been able to live with myself not getting that opportunity.
She is my sweet girl. Daddy’s little princess. Our angel. And she will live forever in our hearts and in our memories. I’m so thankful for the time we had with her. For having her in my belly for four months. For what she’s taught me as a mother, a wife, a friend, a woman. I’m thankful for all she’s given me.
And I’m thankful for all of YOU. For the love and support and prayers you’ve given us over the past several weeks. We’ve felt every single prayer, read every single comment and message, even if we don’t respond. You all have been amazing. And we are so thankful for you. We’ll never be able to express how thankful we are.
I want to continue learning about CHD. I want to honor Kynsleigh as my heart baby and find a way to be able to save them all (I know…that’s a lofty goal). But no parent should lose their baby because their heart fails. It is so heartbreaking and devastating and so unfair to both the baby and their parents.
I’m thankful for this journey, as difficult as it was (and still is). I’m thankful for the growth I’ve had. For bringing Nick and I even closer together. For experiencing the birth of my beautiful daughter. I’m thankful for it all.
I hope y’all have a beautiful day. Spend it saying I love you to your friends and your family, more than you should. Life is too short and too precious to waste another minute not telling the people you love that you love them. Cherish them. Love them. And always, always say I love you.
With love and wellness,