People often ask me if it's been an adjustment dating and now marrying a man with children. The next question is then whether we are going to have a child (or children) of our own.
Okay...first and foremost, duh. Of course it's been an adjustment. It went from being just me to not only being in a relationship that brings its own challenges, but 3 children, as well. I got my own insta-family.
And second, why is the very next question about Scott and I having our own child(ren)? My question to them is, aren't 3 enough?
Another question I often get is whether I have my own children or whether I'm a mother. I used to hem and haw about how to answer it. I would say that my boyfriend, now fiancé, has 3 children, so yes, I suppose I do have children/am a mother.
It recently occurred to me that regardless of whether I birthed Scott's 3 children, they are, in fact, my children. I worry about them, I care for them, I get frustrated with them when they make mistakes (as children do), I hurt for them when they are hurt, I feed them (why do they have to eat all the time?!), I love them.
So why do we have to differentiate between a biological mother, a step mother, an adoptive mother (or vice versa with fathers)? Yes, I get there is a difference, but here's the truth. You do not have to birth a child to be a mother (or a father). And let's be real...the more support and love and guidance a child has, the better.
At doTerra's convention a couple weeks ago, one of the speakers asked all the mothers to stand up. To honor them and give them a round of applause. Before I came to my realization, I wouldn't have stood up. I would have felt guilty if I had stood up. But I stood up proudly. I held my head high. Because I am, in fact, a mother.
To go back to my original question, yes, it has been an adjustment. Learning the boundaries and where I fall in the pecking order, so to speak. But we are a family. They are my family. I love them as if they were my own, and I am proud to be able to help them grow and learn and be awesome people. And I'm honored that Scott loves me and chose me to stand by his side through this life and raising his...our...children.
And to that second question...what does it matter if we have our own children? Will it make our marriage or family less if we don't? Does it change our dynamic or anything that we currently have and/or are doing?
The answer to that is a big resounding NO!!
It won't change a thing. And personally, it's nobody's business whether we have our own child together. Because we already have 3 beautiful, pain in the butt kids!
Our family is full...3 kiddos, 2 pups, and 5 chickens, with the kids and Scott always wanting more animals!
So for all you women and men out there who are mothers, fathers, step or adoptive or otherwise...thank you for being amazing parents. For choosing to love all your kiddos, whether they are biologically related to you or not.
In two weeks, our children will officially become my step-children...maybe then the questions will stop. But probably not, lol.
Have a beautiful week!
With love and wellness,