Life has been overwhelming lately. It seems like everything has happened all at once, as it usually does. There really never is a "break" when you're adult...am I right?
It also feels like it's been a lifetime since we were in the hospital with Kynsleigh, but in reality, it's only been a little over 4 weeks. How can it simultaneously feel like it was just yesterday while also feeling like so much time has passed?
It's been helpful talking about her with people. Telling Malachi about her and how she's in heaven watching over us. Sometimes I can do this without crying, while others, not so much. I've also spent a lot of time praying and talking to God, which usually ends with me in tears. I'm thankful for the time I had with Kynsleigh, but I still struggle trying to figure out why this happened. Why she was taken from us so soon.
In those four weeks, a lot of things have happened. I had Mohs surgery on my forehead to remove two basal cell carcinomas. The healing from that has been a nice distraction from everything. I've had to be super conscientious of everything I do with my face, as well as with workouts and everything, really.
We also traded our two cars in for one, so adjusting to a one car family has been interesting. We are definitely in love with our car, but it's used, so there have been a few things we've had to get checked out and replaced, right away. Thankfully they're being covered by the dealership, but that whole getting it to the shop and back home thing has become interesting.
We're also working on a new business venture and hope that comes to fruition sooner rather than later (more on that later). But that has been super stressful for me and trying to figure it all out.
And of course, we have things we want done in our house to truly make it ours...you know, other than just painting.
Lastly, we're trying to decide if a) we want to try again, and b) how that will look...naturally or trying IVF. Not right away, but it's still on the table and trying to figure it all out.
So needless to say, I have a ton on my mind, plus our goal is to pay off our debt and live completely debt free. I do my best to not worry about it all, but sometimes it becomes so incredibly overwhelming. I also know medical bills will be coming in with all that has happened in these last few weeks and months. Nothing is ever easy or cheap.
I have to continually remind myself to keep moving forward. That it won't always be this overwhelming. That things won't always be so busy. That it won't always seem so daunting.
And it won't be. We'll get through everything, just as we always do. I have an amazing partner to get through this crazy life. And with God on our side, we've always made it through and we always will.
So for now, I pray and I let my anxieties go as best I can. If worry slips in, I do my best to not let it take over my thinking and to pray about it and let it go. If it's not something I can control, there's no sense in worrying about it. Once again, everything will work out the way it's supposed to.
So remember that not everything will be overwhelming all the time. Keep going. Keep moving forward. Keep trusting that everything will work out.
Have a beautiful week. And enjoy the first week of summer!
With love and wellness,