Ever since writing my blog post last week about sex, I feel like it has literally been thrown in my face (and by it, I mean sex). Facebook posts, online articles, TV shows I watch, movies…you name it, I can guarantee there’s either been mention of it, some sort of innuendo, or some article about how to make it better (or the like). I mean, check out the picture below. They're lamps, for pete's sakes. But yup, they were made sexual. This has become the norm.
It has also become the norm for people to talk about sex, think about sex, have sex…outside of relationships, in relationships, with friends, with that one night stand you met at the bar. Sex. Is. Everywhere. And if you aren’t having sex, you are the weird one (seriously, when did it become so easy to take off our clothes and have sex (all while thinking there won't be any consequences)??)!
I felt it was necessary to write a second post about sex because my church’s sermon (Grace Bible Church...seriously, so good) this past Sunday was directly related to this topic. I felt like the sermon could have been written just for me. I found myself in tears for the last part of it, for you see, I totally understood it. It was as if I was finally understanding something inside of me, something I hadn’t understood for a long time.
What I finally realized is that we…no, I was allowing myself to be defined by my sexuality. If I didn’t have sex with a guy, he wouldn’t love me…or he wouldn’t stick around…or whatever I thought would happen. Because if he wasn’t getting it from me, he was out getting it from someone else…right?!
The sermon on Sunday drove the point home that our culture is so incredibly sexualized. Because of that, we are sexually confused. I was sexually confused…and so completely out of whack with how it’s supposed to be! Let’s just think about how often things we say are taken out of context because, heaven forbid, it sounds sexual. Let’s think about how many times “That’s what she said” has come out of our mouths (and I’ll admit, I’m incredibly guilty of using that one). Let’s think about the fact that the message we are told is that we are primarily sexual beings…and that we have to have sex to improve our relationships or to decrease stress or to sleep better (or whatever).
The truth is we are primarily children of God. We are created in God’s image with a purpose…one that is so much more than sex [outside of marriage]. Galatians 3:26-27 says, “So in Christ Jesus you are all children of God through faith, for all of you who were baptized into Christ have clothed yourselves with Christ.”
Here are two more things I learned from the sermon this past weekend: I am more than my sexuality, and I am so much more than being someone’s sex object. Ladies, YOU are more than your sexuality, and YOU are so much more than being someone’s sex object.
How many of us have been in a situation where you didn’t really want to have sex, but you ended up doing it because it was what was expected; i.e, the norm? We have to stop buying into the lies of our culture!
Ladies, it’s time we recognize that sex is not the secret to a good relationship…it’s time we stop letting men pressure us into having sex or making us believe that we have to have sex in order to have a good relationship. What happened to getting to know someone outside of the bedroom?? When did that become so much scarier than getting naked in front of someone??
The truth is that sex is a beautiful and powerful gift…it’s one meant to be shared between husband and wife. And this, according to the sermon on Sunday, is a small part of what it means to have a great marriage. 1 Corinthians 7:2-3 says, “But since sexual immorality is occurring, each man should have sexual relations with his own wife, and each woman with her own husband. The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband.”
Here are a few other verses that really called to me this week and drove home the point that I bought into society’s lies for far too long:
1 Corinthians 6:18-20 NIV
Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a person commits are outside the body, but whoever sins sexually, sins against their own body. Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies.
1 Thessalonians 4:3-8 NIV
It is God’s will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; that each of you should learn to control your own body in a way that is holy and honorable, not in passionate lust like the pagans, who do not know God; and that in this matter no one should wrong or take advantage of a brother or sister. The Lord will punish all those who commit such sins, as we told you and warned you before. For God did not call us to be impure, but to live a holy life. Therefore, anyone who rejects this instruction does not reject a human being but God, the very God who gives you his Holy Spirit.
It pains me to think how I’ve treated my body…how I’ve sinned against my own body, my temple. It pains me to know that God has watched me acting in this manner all these years…that I believed I was okay because I was a Christian…I believed in God, but I followed my own rules. In a series of realizations over the past few months, I’ve realized how completely wrong that belief has been.
Yes, I am a sinner. Yes, I have made poor choices. Yes, I have laid down with men in my life. But yes, I am forgiven. And I am still loved and cherished, because I have admitted that. I have faced my sins, professed my sins, come clean with God. And I’ve accepted Him back into my life and my heart.
I no longer view myself as a sexual object for men’s delight. One day, yes, I will be my husband’s delight, but that should be reserved solely for him. Will it be a difficult journey? Absolutely. Will it be one that is totally worth it? You better believe it.
Our teaching pastor, Eric Sanzone, said it best…the call to all of us is purity. The call is to walk in holiness…to be fulfilled by God. Because we are all God’s children.
Have a fabulous week. And know you are beautifully and wonderfully made!! And that you are not defined by your sexuality…you are so much more than that!
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With love and wellness,
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