I’m about to get controversial…
So here goes…
Let’s talk about sex.
It’s everywhere. No matter where you go, what you’re watching, which social media outlet you’re on, sex is everywhere. You see images like the ones below.
Pick up any magazine (or read one online) and you see articles like “How to have a better orgasm” and “5 Tips to Give a Better Blowjob” or something along those lines. Seriously…it’s everywhere.
Now don’t get me wrong. Sex is not bad. Sex is, in fact, great. But the way we approach sex these days is awful. There is no more courting, no more dating, no more building a relationship based on anything other than sex. All you have to do these days is pick up your phone, send a quick text and bam, you have a booty call coming over in 20 minutes.
We say this is normal. We say it doesn’t bother us…that our feelings aren’t hurt or that there aren’t emotions involved. But let’s be real. Sex is emotional, especially for women.
What exactly does it take out of us as women when we give ourselves to men in this way? I’ll be really honest here (sorry mom, dad, granny)…I was one of these women. I thought having sex with men would keep them around…I wanted nothing more than the attention and affection and love that I thought it would bring.
And you know what I was left with? Emptiness. Heartache. Questioning my worth and my value. Sadness. Depression. Misunderstanding.
I vowed, every time, that I wouldn’t sleep with the next guy…that I would wait. And, big surprise, that never happened. I would get caught up in the moment…the guy would say and do all the right things, and the next thing I’d know, I wasn’t waiting.
After my most recent break-up, I did the “normal” thing…that is, I had sex with someone else…you know, that saying of “The best way to get over someone is by getting under someone new” (I hate this saying, btw). Except that wasn’t working for me…at all. I didn’t know what I needed to do, but I knew that I felt empty…and needed to do something different.
It was about this time I met an incredibly special woman who re-introduced me to God and what I was missing in my life. She invited me to the Hungry for Hope conference in Tennessee and I can’t even begin to explain the difference this conference made in my life. I think I cried more than I ever thought possible…I realized what I was looking for all along with these men was what God has always been trying to give me… Love. Value. Worth. To know that I am enough. Exactly the way I am.
I don’t need to compromise who I am or what I believe in for the sake of the love and approval and affection of a guy. I don't regret any of the choices I've made in my life. But, I do regret that it took me 33 years to figure this out.
I will admit though…I feel sorta like a hypocrite. For many years, I had no qualms about sex. It was part of a normal relationship. But here’s the truth about sex…it is super easy to take off your clothes and have sex with someone. It doesn’t involve anything other than an attraction to one another and the mutual desire.
However, what takes courage is letting your guard down…letting yourself be vulnerable…taking off your emotional attire, so to speak, and really letting someone get to know you. Building a relationship on the premise of who you are as opposed to how great the sex is.
Because take the sex away and what are you left with? I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had sex with a guy only to find out months later, time invested, and emotions involved, that the ONLY thing we had in common was the fact that we had great sex.
And as a woman, that is so emotionally taxing. We open ourselves up…our hearts, our emotions, our lives…only to realize it meant nothing. We were another conquest or the feelings weren’t reciprocated or the “booty call” turned into more (for you) but not for him.
Ladies, let me tell you something…this will drain you. This will cause you to doubt yourself…to question your value, your worth…to question whether you are “enough”…to wonder if something is wrong with you because these guys don’t stick around.
Does this sound like you? Have you felt this way? Do you question your value because of these guys?!
Because I’m here to tell you something… You. Are. Enough. Exactly the way you are. God loves you. Exactly the way you are. You are valuable and worthy and ENOUGH! And you don't need the attention and affection of a guy to prove that! Ephesians 1:4 says, “For he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight. In love.”
Stop chasing love and attention and affection from random guys. They will not fulfill your deepest desires. It took me far too long to recognize and believe this.
And know this…I stated above that sex wasn’t bad. And it’s not. But the bible states that sex is for married couples…in Hebrews 13:4, it says, “Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.”
All I know is that I was sick and tired of feeling empty and devalued and disrespected and depressed. Because I am none of those things. And once I realized this and began to value and respect myself, my world changed. I love myself…God loves me. Period. The End.
If this resonates with you…if you can’t get beyond this strive for perfection in relationships (you know, being the “perfect” girl by putting out and being sexual before you’re ready), schedule a FREE health strategy session with me today! Don’t wait! I’d love to help you with this and any other health, nutrition, and lifestyle goals you may have. I want to help you become the happiest, healthiest YOU!!
Oh, and check out my Facebook page! I'm holding a contest that ends August 19th! Check it out and get involved! Who doesn't like winning free stuff?!
With love and wellness,