This week, really this month, has been a rough one. From all the personal stuff Nick and I have been dealing with, waiting for our test results (which are in my patient portal, but I haven't heard from the doc yet about what it all means), to wondering about trying again to making changes in our professional lives, it's been tough.
And to add to it, we found out last weekend that Nick's aunt Jackie passed away. I didn't know her long, but from what I did know of her, she was an amazing woman. She made me feel welcome in the family from moment one. Our first Christmas together, she made me a pug blanket. One that I use often and absolutely love. I mean, I love blankets anyway, but this one was hand made for me. It definitely holds a special place in my heart.
And after going to the viewing and funeral on Friday and Saturday, it was extremely evident how loved she was and how much of an impact she had on people. I couldn't help but feel emotional, and yes, cry, at the outpouring of love for her.
But it also made me think of how short life is. How we take so many things for granted.
Nick's aunt Jackie was only 45 when she passed. She's not that much older than me. It stopped me in my tracks. Because life isn't fair. And we don't get a say in who lives or dies. Which, of course, makes me think of our babies we've lost.
We don't always understand why things happen the way they do. And it's something I've always had issues coming to terms with. If you read my post last week, you know I like to know why. So learning to let go and trust God in everything I do and not knowing why has been really difficult.
I find when I'm stressing about the way things are going (or not going), it's because I'm trying to control them. And I do an awful job at it! But when I let go and learn to let Him take control, I'm usually at peace and everything "falls" into place...or at least it feels like it does.
So that's what I've been doing. Or trying my best to do.
I don't know why we keep having miscarriages. I don't know if there will be anything we can do to "fix" it, or stop it from happening. But I do know that God is capable of things we can't even comprehend. So I pray and I put my trust in Him. In His timing, all will be right.
I hope you all have a beautiful week. And I pray for peace and strength for Jackie's family and friends, and for Nick. My adoring husband, Nick.
I love you all.
With love and wellness,