So this time last year, Nick and I were celebrating our engagement. He brought me to his family's Thanksgiving in Richmond and shocked the heck out of me by proposing in front of his whole family.
Yes, his whole family.
With our second Thanksgiving together having just passed (we always do it the Sunday before Thanksgiving), it brings up a lot of memories from last year. The good, the bad, and the ones I rarely talk about.
For you see, we weren't just celebrating our engagement. We were also mourning our loss.
The Wednesday before, I started bleeding. I was 12 weeks pregnant...or should have been. A trip to the ER confirmed my suspicions. I was having a miscarriage. It was our 2nd one, but our first that had lasted several weeks (the first was very early...I never even made it to the doc for that one).
I left the ER knowing the miscarriage was coming; I just didn't know when.
Cue the morning of November 18, around 2am or so. I woke up to severe pain and cramping and blood like you wouldn't believe. It was never ending. I had taken some ibuprofen, but nothing was even coming close to alleviating the pain.
After about an hour of this, maybe 90 minutes (that night/morning is a blur to me), Nick decided to take me to the ER. We knew what was happening, but were scared about excessive blood loss. It was a lot. They re-confirmed the miscarriage and were not the greatest at helping me alleviate the pain. The ER doc told me there was nothing she could do, that I would just have to "go through it."
I was in so much pain, but not so much that I lost my brain. I mean, I'm not a moron. I looked her dead in the face and said, "I know that. But I have a family event later today and I'd like to NOT be in severe pain through the entire thing."
I mean, duh. Even the IV pain medication she was giving me wasn't lasting! After about 40 minutes, the pain was back.
She FINALLY prescribed me a pain medication, which, of course, we then had to find a pharmacy that was open to drop it off and get it filled. That meant a couple more hours without pain medication...it was still early morning so not much was open.
I immediately took one of the pills as soon as the prescription was filled. However, it didn't immediately kick in. We got back to the hotel and Nick wanted to eat. I tried sitting inside with him, but I started sweating something fierce from the pain. I couldn't take it any longer.
I went out front and sat on a bench with my head in between my knees, sweat pouring off me. It was FREEZING that morning, but I couldn't stop sweating. The pain was so intense...getting everything out of me was one of the worst things I've ever experienced.
Nick finished his breakfast just as his family came downstairs for breakfast. He and I went back to the room and laid down at about 9am that morning. Because the pain medicine had finally kicked in, I passed out. I had no energy left to do much else.
So needless to say, when we got to Nick's family's Thanksgiving, I was drained, exhausted, and high on pain meds. And I had no idea he had this elaborate plan to ask me to be his wife.
We had just been through something so terrible. The two of us. He was right by my side the entire time. He never once left me, never once complained, never once made me feel alone. He did everything he could to make me feel comfortable, even when I was miserable.
There wasn't a doubt in my mind the answer was yes when he asked. Even drugged up!
I'll admit though, it took me a few seconds to figure out what he was doing. I was sitting visiting with everyone when he thanked his uncle for inviting us, shaking his hand. He then turned to me, took my hand and stood me up. I was so confused as to why he pulled me in front of everyone and was thanking me for coming. I kept looking at him and then his nana sitting to the left of him, who was trying hard not to cry.
He said some of the most amazing things to me, but most of it is a blur as I tried to figure out what was happening. It wasn't until he was on his knee that I fully understood what was happening and the tears started.
He had just watched me go through the worst thing that had ever happened to me. The most pain I've ever been in. Probably be the worst person I've ever been. And he still wanted to marry me.
We've had our share of ups and downs this past year. We've suffered two more miscarriages since then. But we have weathered the storms together. It's not always fun and it's not always glamorous, but it is always supportive and always worth it.
From that day last year to today to many more Thanksgivings to come, I choose Nick. I choose to continue saying yes every day, even when I'm drugged up, even when I'm going through the ugly parts of life, even when things aren't the best.
Here's hoping to getting some answers. Having a healthy pregnancy. And eventually having a positive story out of all this!
Have a beautiful week. And Happy Thanksgiving!
With love and wellness,