This past week has been draining. Physically. Mentally. Emotionally.
It was the week leading up to selling the house I owned with my ex-husband.
It was the week we found out our little baby didn’t have a heartbeat.
It was the week where tragedy struck entirely too close to home.
Any and everything happened during this past week. And to say I’m tired would be an understatement.
It's been a week where I didn't think I could keep on going. Where I didn't know how I would put one foot in front of the other.
I'm pretty sure there was something wrong with the house every single day. And we close today and there's still something wrong. It has seriously been never ending. I spent my weekend there making sure it was move-in ready for the buyers and moving out my washer, dryer, and riding lawn mower. I had zero down time this weekend.
All of this on top of some terrible news. The Thursday before Memorial Day should have been our 8 week ultrasound. Instead, we found out there was an abnormality and potentially something wrong. So we went back in on Tuesday and found out there wasn't a heartbeat. My doctor had already scheduled a D&C for Wednesday morning, just in case.
We went into Memorial Day with hope, but when I started bleeding and cramping, I knew what was happening. Our bodies always know what to do when something is wrong.
She said it was a chromosomal abnormality. Absolutely nothing we could do. Our little baby wouldn't have survived either way. To say we were devastated would again, be an understatement.
We thought this would be our rainbow. Our chance. But only God knows why. And we're trusting that His plan is so much greater than ours.
So I spent my week recovering, but still moving forward, working, getting the house ready. Because what else could I do? The timing certainly wasn't right, but it never really is for something like this.
And then, to top off the week, we had a mass shooting in Virginia Beach, a city I used to live in, a city I work in, a city I called home for many years. Friends of friends died. A friend of mine's father passed away. It seemed like we couldn't catch a break.
I'm just sad this week. Sad and mourning the loss of so many things.
But I also know, despite the sad times, that there are good times ahead. I can finally close a chapter I've been in for far too long. With the selling of my house, I can officially be done with everything attached to my ex-husband. In fact, it is a rightful closure as it was two years ago yesterday that everything went down. I'm happy to wipe my hands clean of it and walk away.
I also have a plan for me and my future as a mother. No matter what happens, however, I know God is with me and for me. His plan for my life is so much greater than I could ever dream of. So I'm going to do what I can in my power and leave the rest to Him. Lots of prayer is involved in my plan, FYI.
So yes, it's Monday. But it's been a long week.
My hope is that as we enter June and the beautiful summer months, that I can let go of a lot of my stress (my yoga sessions start this week!) and anxiety and allow God to take 100% control. I don't know what the future holds, but I am at peace knowing it's with Nick and most important, with God at the helm.
Hug and kiss your loved ones. Never go to bed without saying I love you. Kiss and make up. Life is too short and there are too many tragedies these days to hold a grudge.
Love one another. Be kind to one another. Because you never know what a person is going through.
I love you all. Have a beautiful week.
With love and wellness,