Happy 1st Anniversary to my husband! One year ago, we said I do! Honestly, I can't believe it's been a year already! It truly feels like it was just yesterday! 

People always say that the first year of marriage is the hardest. But with Nick, I didn't find that to be the case at all. Yes, we've had a few bad hands dealt to us, but we've grown together and handled them all relatively well for newly-weds (if I do say so myself, LOL). 

We've had a lot of things happen in our first year of marriage. I wish I could include all the pictures we have from this year, but you'd be scrolling through them forever! All in all, it's been an amazing year...I'm so blessed to have Nick by my side throughout the every day hum-drum, plus the extra crap thrown our way. And I know this is only the beginning! 

As I sit here reflecting on our wedding day, it occurred to me that I absolutely love our anniversary date. It both ends the year that just passed and begins the new year coming up. It gives us a chance to reflect on our past year together, as well as plan our upcoming year. And this year is no exception. We have accomplished so much in our first year of marriage, and we have big plans to continue growing together in every way possible! 

From saying I do to family vacations to buying our first home together, this year has been full of surprises! We've had the excitement of two positive pregnancy tests only to have the disappointment and sadness of miscarrying both babies. And of course, we're still in the process of getting everything tested so we can hopefully have some answers and move forward with as much information as we possibly can. We're hoping 2020 brings good news on that front! 

We also got a new puppy this year, a pug-beagle mix named Sabre. He is 9 months old and so full of energy! Definitely a change from our grumpy old man, Gizmo! They've been settling in nicely together (finally!) and adjusting to our busy schedules. Thankfully I'm able to be home a lot with them during the day, so to say they are spoiled is an understatement! 

We went on three vacations this year, which doesn't seem like a whole lot, but for us, it was! We went on a mini vacation to Williamsburg early in the year, then to my mom's house in Florida in August (which flew by way too fast, per the usual), and we just recently got back from a week at Disney World. That trip was one of the best I've been on in a long time! We experienced so much and even got cool Disney pins celebrating our one year anniversary! I didn't even know pins were a thing, but you can have one for celebrating your birthday, one for your first visit, one for celebrating anything, and then of course, for anniversaries. Talk about cool! 

​We also competed in our first CrossFit competition together. I've seen many couples work together in competitions that doesn't end so well. But Nick and I worked so well together. Our communication was perfect and honestly, we know how to communicate without even saying a word. We didn't podium in that competition, but we had so much fun working and working out together. We'll most likely do more together in the future. 

Oh...and how could I forget?! Nick started his own business with SandMeDown and has been doing so amazing with it! I'm not surprised at all, because it's definitely a neat little tool for people to use! It's super easy to carry with you and use whenever you need it. Seriously, if you haven't heard of it or checked them out, clink the link here and see what you're missing! 

My businesses have been booming with Rodan+Fields, health coaching and personal training. I definitely can't complain! I'm able to be home with Malachi while still helping our family financially. Definitely a win-win! I truly can't wait to see what 2020 brings for both our businesses! 

We also just celebrated our first Christmas as husband and wife. It was pretty low-key this year, but we had a blast celebrating together with our family and friends. We didn't put up a tree this year for two reasons: 1) We weren't home a whole lot between Thanksgiving and Christmas and we knew we were celebrating Christmas elsewhere, and 2) We didn't have a tree, LOL. But we are prepared for next year! We bought our first Christmas tree together the day after Christmas :) I love taking advantage of those post Christmas sales! 

Nick, I love you and I'm so thankful for you. I am truly blessed to have you by my side and that we have survived our first year of marriage! Here's to many more, my love! I'm excited to see what 2020 brings for us and our family! 

To everyone else, have a beautiful day and be safe as we ring in the new year! May 2020 be all you've been hoping and dreaming for, and then so much more! 

With love and wellness,
​Whitney

As we head into this week of Christmas, remember to slow down, embrace the reason for the season, and be kind to everyone, for we're all fighting battles unbeknownst to others. 

Yes, it is a beautiful season, one we celebrate and mostly anticipate throughout the year. But for a lot of people, it also brings sadness. Sadness from missing people who are no longer with us. Sadness from family members being too far away to visit or from being deployed. Sadness for what could have been. Sadness for being alone. Sadness for being estranged from family. Just sadness in general. 

I'm so thankful this year for so many things, but it also brings a little sadness. I should be celebrating with a baby in my belly, enjoying the Christmas season and what 2020 would bring with a new baby Decker on the horizon. I see pictures of other women in the same place as I would have been and while it makes me happy for them, it makes me grieve for our loss. For what could have been. 

I know there are reasons for everything, but that doesn't make it any easier...to handle or to understand. But I'm so thankful and incredibly blessed that I have an amazing husband, family, friends, and tribe to go through this with. I'm so appreciative for all of you and following my journey. 

Nick and I are heading into 2020 with positivity and a plan to not plan. Yes, you read that right. The last time we got pregnant, I was tracking literally everything. I was taking my temperature every morning, testing for ovulation, and everything in between. I think it was more stressful than anything else. It definitely took the fun out of it. 

So this time, we are not planning anything. We aren't tracking anything. I'm not testing anything. We're just being husband and wife and enjoying the process. I've worked my butt off to remove stress from my life, essentially since this summer. We're both taking new supplements. I've adjusted my workouts and am not pushing myself to the max anymore. I've adjusted my diet and lifestyle. 

People keep telling me that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. And yes, I agree with that. But I haven't been doing the same thing over and over again. I am not that crazy to believe that things would be different if I didn't make any changes. 

So I have been. Making changes, that is. Before we actively started trying to get pregnant, I know that I pushed myself too hard, expected too much of myself, didn't sleep much at all, and over worked myself to the point of exhaustion. And that, my friends, is not a healthy environment for a baby to grow. 

So we shall what 2020 brings. We shall see what God has in store for us. 

Goodness knows I am terrified, but I am also excited to see where this journey takes us. I know Nick and I will have a baby, one way or another. We just have to get there.

Once again, as we walk into this week celebrating Christmas, please remember to be kind to everyone. We never truly know what's happening with others, and sometimes, our small act of kindness can change their whole day. 

I hope you all have a Merry Christmas. Enjoy this season, wherever it takes you. 

With love and wellness,
​Whitney

So we finally got my blood work results back and met with the doctor about what it all means. Not surprisingly, I do have the MTHFR gene mutation. However, it's only one mutation, which doesn't put me at too high of a risk for having blood clots. They also tested my homocysteine levels, which were normal. And again, doesn't put me at too high of a risk for blood clots.

So it seems as if there is no real answer as to why we keep having miscarriages. Well, other than my low egg quality, which means our embryos most likely have chromosomal abnormalities. So there's that. 

We don't really have a clear path moving forward. Our doctor has given us some options, but nothing that can guarantee we will have a healthy pregnancy and a healthy baby. Which, of course, makes deciding what we want to do that much harder. 

Moving forward, we can continue to try naturally and our doc fully believes I will eventually have a healthy egg, resulting in a healthy embryo, resulting in a healthy pregnancy. It's just a matter of when...and unfortunately, how many more miscarriages we would have to suffer through. 

The other option is to try mini stimulation IVF, which is a less expensive method of IVF and also involves less invasive medications. While this is an option that sounds appealing because they would do genetic testing on the embryos to ensure they're chromosomally normal prior to implantation, it means there has to be enough eggs to even get that far! And with my history, there's no guarantee of that either. 

So again, it's a hard choice. An insanely hard choice. 

Whatever we decide, however, our doctor does have a plan for us moving forward. Regardless of what the blood tests show, she's going to prescribe blood thinners to me when I do get pregnant again. This will involve shots to my stomach throughout the pregnancy, but it could help prevent any blood clots from the placenta to the baby, which would result in another miscarriage. 

So now the goal is to get pregnant and have a good start with it. Aka, healthy growth, good, strong heartbeat, and everything on track. I would start on the blood thinners at the 7 week mark at that point. 

It's crazy, because while I knew pregnancy was a miracle, I didn't realize just how much of a miracle it actually is. I sort of took for granted that you get pregnant and boom, you have a healthy pregnancy and baby. There's literally so much that goes into having a healthy baby! 

This is definitely a huge learning curve for me, someone who likes being in control. Because I literally can't control 99% of this. I can control my feelings and actions with this, but other than that, I'm at the mercy of nature, my body, and God. And I can tell you, I've been praying an awful lot. 

I don't know what the future holds, but I know Nick and I are going to keep trying, and one way or another, we will have our baby. I firmly believe that. And we certainly aren't giving up! 

Have a beautiful week! 

With love and wellness,
​Whitney

Sometimes it takes a whole lot of bravery to start something new. 

I get it. Change is scary. The unknown is scary. Not knowing what you're doing is scary. 

But it's also scary staying in the same place, never moving forward, always living the same old, same old. 

I've been terrified every time I've started something new. Going into a new job or a new situation in any way, shape or form is terrifying. You don't know anything. You (usually) don't know anyone. And literally everything is brand new. 

But that's okay. It's okay to be a beginner. To not know anything. To suck at something new! 

Nobody goes into any situation fully knowing it all. Nobody starts anything a pro. Everyone is a beginner when they start something new. 

So why, when we think of it like that, is it such a scary thing to do something new? To be the beginner? To learn something more than we already know? 

The easy answer is that we don't like looking stupid. We don't like being the ones who don't know to do or where things are. 

The harder answer is we don't like not knowing whether we'll be good at whatever it is we're trying. I mean, what if we start a new job and we are terrible at it? Or it doesn't fit into our lives? Or it's not what we thought it would be? 

But here's the thing. At least you tried! 

If you never tried anything new, you wouldn't know what you were good at (or not), what you liked (or disliked), what fits into your life (or doesn't).

And it's okay if it doesn't work out. If you don't like it. You aren't that good at it. You decide it's not for you. 

You don't have to stay in a bad relationship. You don't have to continue working a job that doesn't work for you. You are free to make the choice to leave whatever doesn't suit you! 

So try new things. If you have any inkling to try something new, DO IT! Life is too short to not take chances! To not learn something new. To not say YES to whatever lights a fire for you! 

One of my favorite quotes is, "You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough." 

Take chances. Say yes. And say NO too! Learn new things! Suck at new things. And have fun doing it! 

Have a beautiful week! 

With love and wellness,
Whitney