There comes a point in life when you have to decide whether you should turn the page or close the book. And at what point do you make this decision? And more importantly, how do you know if you're making the right decision?
So...quick back story for those new to my blog.
Last October, I got married. It was such a beautiful day, despite Hurricane Matthew attempting to completely ruin it. However, 8 months later, my world came crashing down around me. In a way that I would have NEVER imagined.
Fast forward four months and it's now time for Halloween. I've been through hell and back over the summer, but I'm finally coming back into my own. And a friend of mine invited me to a Halloween party. My immediate response was that I didn't have a costume and had zero idea what to go as. And almost immediately after that thought, I said, "Oh...I have my wedding dress. I can go as a zombie bride!"
I have no idea where that came from or why it was the first thought for a Halloween costume, but I messaged my best friend, who was also my Matron of Honor in my wedding, and asked her if she wanted to help me make the transformation. Thank goodness she said yes, because I wouldn't have had the amazing results I did without her!
So we planned to meet on Wednesday morning after the gym to have some fun with the dress. Now, mind you, I haven't looked at my wedding dress in person since zipping it up in the bag last October. So Tuesday night, I pull it out of the closet to take a look and see if I was going to be emotional. I mean, duh. I am the emotional queen (right, mom?!), so I wanted to get it all out at home, in the privacy of my bedroom, if it was going to happen.
So I unzip the bag and holy moly, I forgot the lace and how soft it was. Yep, I was petting my dress. But no tears. As I get to the bottom of the dress, I bust out laughing. I knew the bottom was FILTHY from the hurricane, but totally forgot how high up it went (and just HOW dirty it got)!!
I'll admit...I had a moment of "Do I really want to destroy this beautiful dress?" But it was fleeting...because I get up to the top and bust out laughing AGAIN at the amount of cover-up that was under the bosom line (due to my atrocious tan lines). And I knew this was exactly what I needed and wanted to do!
So here comes Wednesday. And...well...I'll just let you look through the photos below. We have a few before pictures of us having fun with the dress. Because believe me, it was FUN. I laughed harder than I have in quite awhile! And my bestie, Kim, my friend, Danielle, and my boss, Jeff, even had a blast!! And then check out the afters too!
Now that you've seen the photos... can I just say how insanely talented my bestie is? She did my make-up, both the glam and the zombie side, and all my "wounds." I'm so blessed to have her in my life because I would have NEVER been able to do that on my own! Let's just say removing all the make-up and the wounds was fun, LOL.
There were no sad feelings or emotions associated with turning my dress into my Halloween costume. Just excitement and laughter and fun! It was a huge release for me and I'm pretty sure for Kim too. When you have an ultimate betrayal, sometimes you need to destroy some things to release the anger and frustration and hurt. And I'd say we succeeded!
I spent this past summer deciding if I needed to turn the page or to close the book. In my head, it's still June because I lost my summer. It is pretty much a blur up until the end of September / beginning of October. Sad to say, but true.
So how do you decide which decision is right?
For me, it's all about feelings. By that I mean, how does a certain decision make me feel? If I feel off or bad about a decision, then it usually means that's not the right one for me. If I feel at peace or calm after making a decision, then I know it's the right one for me. And often times, I make the decision and then realize it wasn't the right one very shortly after.
Luckily, I've gotten better at not rushing into my decisions...mainly, so I don't have to go back on my word after the fact when I realize it wasn't the right decision.
And that's pretty much where I am now. I haven't rushed into any decision I've made this summer nor do I plan to now.
Let's just say that sometimes the smartest decision is to close the whole darn book.
What are your tried and true ways to make decisions? And how do you know if you're making the right ones? I'd love to hear about them in the comments!
Have a beautiful week, and a safe and Happy Halloween!
With love and wellness,
We often look at starting over as a bad thing. As something that could have been avoided. And even if the circumstances were not necessarily our fault, we blame ourselves. I know this is true in my case.
I have, once again, found myself in a situation where I have to start over. Literally, from the ground up. And it's daunting. It seems hopeless at times. And yes, it is scary AF. But I also know this presents itself as an amazing opportunity.
Starting over doesn't have to be a bad thing. It takes strength and resilience and a fortitude you didn't necessarily know you had. It gives you the opportunity to do things over, to make them right, so to speak. And yes, the comeback is almost always much greater than the setback!
But here's the thing. You have to make CHANGES to ensure the comeback is stronger. You can't keep doing the same thing over and over again and expect different results (psssst...this is the definition of INSANITY!!). And for a lot of people, change is hard. It's scary. And it seems impossible.
I promise you though...it is 100% possible, even if it is scary and difficult.
I know that I am absolutely looking forward to my comeback. You better believe I have been and will be making some big changes. And it is definitely scary. It will definitely require a lot of work out of me. But I am ready for it.
So what can stop you from making these changes?
Here's the big one.... EXCUSES!!
What excuses are you telling yourself for not wanting to do the work? Are you too busy? Too tired? It's too hard? There's too much to be done? It's scary? You aren't sure it's worth it?
Yep - these are all just EXCUSES we tell ourselves to stay in the same place. To stay in our comfort zones.
But you know what?? I'm sick of my comfort zone! I want to make some huge changes in my life and those don't happen in comfort zones!
Something else that can stop us from making these changes is fear of what others will think of us. We are often too concerned about how others will perceive us. But the truth is...their opinions can't pay our bills or make us happy, so forget about others' opinions! Do what makes YOU happy!
Yes, I know...this is so easy to say and so much harder to do. But try it out...it gets easier!
We are also afraid of change. We play the WHAT IF game. What if things don't go our way? What if the grass isn't greener on the other side? What if? What if? What if?
I did this. A lot. When I was becoming a health coach, I worried, "What if I quit my government job and I didn't make any money? What if I wasn't successful?" When I got my Crossfit L1 certification, I wondered, "What if I suck at coaching? What if I hate it? What if I'm not any good at it?"
But you know what? I did it anyways! And it turns out I found out I wasn't very happy as a health coach (when I was solely doing that) and I absolutely LOVE being a Crossfit coach! I won't ever wonder IF I could have done either of these things. I won't look back and regret NOT doing these things!
So don't play the what if game. It's not healthy and it's often misleading. You will NEVER know what will happen unless you try. And yes, this stands for anything in life.
I'll leave you with this thought. If you never TRY, you will never KNOW. Period.
I love y'all. Have a beautifully blessed week!
With love and wellness,
We hear it all the time. Forgiveness isn't for the other person; it's for us. So we can let go of the grudges and the past and move on with our future.
But let's be real. Forgiveness is hard.
It's hard because we feel as if we are letting the other person off easy. It's hard because we still have feelings of anger and resentment and hurt. It's hard because we don't want to let go of what happened.
But it's also hard to stay angry and let that take over our lives. It's also hard to relive what happened over and over again. And it's also hard to let go of what was.
I know that I always feel better when I've forgiven the other person, no matter what the situation is or was, or whether that person and I remained in each other's lives. I also know that it makes for a much happier version of me when I forgive others. I don't feel anger or resentment all the time, which, believe me, bleeds over into other areas of your life.
Okay... I know what you're thinking. Great, that's all easy to say, but it's SO MUCH HARDER to do! Believe me, I am right there with you! Saying the words, "I forgive you" is so much easier than actually forgiving. Sad, but true.
So how do you forgive others when they have hurt you? Especially if they aren't remorseful or haven't apologized or haven't even acknowledged they've done something wrong.
There's no magic button or list that will make it happen quickly or easily, but it's a series of steps, of things that happen over a period of time. Plus, you have to actively forgive, not just sit back and wait for it to "just happen" (we have a bad habit of sitting back and waiting for things to just happen, don't we?? But I digress.).
The first step is the hardest, at least for me. You have to allow yourself to FEEL your feelings. I know that sounds super silly and you're probably thinking, "Well, duh. How do you not feel your feelings?" It's surprising, but a lot of people bury their emotions and what they're feeling and either act like they are completely fine or they cover it up with anger. Believe it or not, anger is easier to feel than the underlying emotions of hurt or sadness or disappointment. I have a bad habit of doing this (oops!).
I also like to journal as that helps me express my feelings in a safe place and it often allows things I didn't even know I was thinking or feeling to come out too. It allows me to process a lot of what's going on, even if my journal entries tend to be all over the place. Good thing nobody else reads them!
We don't always have to understand why people hurt us, but a good thing to understand is that hurt people hurt others, and often not intentionally. Generally, when someone hurts us, it has nothing to do with us. Instead, it has everything to do with them and something going on in their lives. This is something good to remember when we are dealing with hurt and disappointment.
Another major step in forgiving someone else is to remember that we are forgiven too. God doesn't hold grudges or keep a list of things we've done wrong. He forgives us just because we've asked. How amazing is that? And because He has forgiven us, we also have that power to forgive others. When I remember this, it makes it easier for me to forgive.
Remember, forgiving someone doesn't mean you forget or you have to let that person back into your life. It simply means you have let go of your anger and hurt and resentment. You have let go of it's hold on you. And that, my friends, is the most important part!
I'd love to hear some of the ways you have found to work in forgiving others. We all have our own ways of doing so, and goodness knows I often need some help in this area. I am the worst when it comes to holding grudges (and another oops!).
I hope you all have a beautiful week! Thank you for your continued love and support and keeping my blog alive!
With love and wellness,
There’s something to be said for having self-confidence and believing in yourself. It’s crazy, but some people call it arrogance or think you are full of yourself…simply for believing in yourself!
So by now, you all know I had a rough summer. And I struggled with believing in myself…with believing that I could be successful on my own. It sounds so insane to say that out loud (or at least type it here), but it’s true.
Life has a funny way of knocking our feet right out from under us when we least expect it. I mean, I had my whole life “figured out”… HA! Because we have that kinda stuff figured out, right?!
I had a lot of self-doubt…I wondered if I could do it. If I could be successful in my business. If I needed to go back to work. There were a lot of “what ifs” and “what nexts.” I had no clue what was to come, and honestly, I was just kind of going through the motions. I was surviving.
But I realized, just recently I might add, that I was tired of just going through the motions. I was tired of just surviving.
And while I had a ton of reservations about going to convention in Las Vegas (not because of anything other than things going on back at home), I KNEW I needed to go. Not only for my business, but for me. I knew I needed to kick my own a$$ back into gear!
And let me tell you…convention was EXACTLY what I needed. It helped rejuvenate, re-energize, and re-motivate me! There is no more self-doubt! I KNOW, without a doubt in my mind, that I am EXACTLY where I need to be and doing what I need to do.
I don’t know how to explain it. The feeling, the atmosphere, the energy that filled all of us during convention. I knew what I had stumbled into with Rodan+Fields, but really, I had NO CLUE what exactly I am a part of!
But oh boy! Now…well, now I know! This really is just the beginning. And I am so completely and utterly blessed to be a part of this family! There is literally so much support and belief in one another and LOVE! I felt SO MUCH love this past week, it was insane!
My self-confidence is back, y’all! And when that happens, watch the MAGIC begin! Self-confidence, belief in myself, and an amazing company, products, and DOCTORS to back up by my business? Yep – it’s on!
I want y’all to hang on, because it’s about to be one hell of a ride!
Have a fabulous week. And know that it’s okay to be confident and believe in yourself! Talk to yourself as if you were talking to a friend! And just you watch what happens!
With love and wellness,
Four months ago, I got a phone call that changed my life trajectory forever. Let me lay it out for you.
June 2. 4 p.m. I had just picked up two of the kids from school and was heading to get gas and our third child. My phone rings with an unidentified 757 number. I don’t think anything of it and answer.
It’s my husband. And his first words to me are, “We have to talk.”
My heart sank.
I had no idea what his next words would be, but nothing could have prepared me for what was to come. I’m pretty sure I was in shock because I don’t remember much of that 10-minute conversation, but I know it completely changed everything I had thought about my marriage and relationship with Scott.
That first weekend was full of questions and doubts and wondering what the heck had just happened. I don’t think I fully understood how terrible it was until Tuesday, when it made it in the news and it was time for his first court appearance.
I went through every emotion possible. Anger. Shock. Sadness. Fear. Pure rage. There were points I was shaking with rage; in one instance, I would be mad while the next would be full of tears and pure sadness. It was a roller coaster of emotions. A terrible roller coaster.
Here’s what I can tell you as I won’t get into a whole lot of detail of the specifics of the case (the news has done a fabulous job of telling the awful details while also leaving out some pertinent facts, but it is what it is). There is so much more than the news reported, but people make their judgments (about him and me) without even asking me about it.
So here it is…
You can sit back and tell me what you would do in this situation, but I can 100% guarantee you have no idea what you would actually do. Because let’s be real…there is no part of me that would have ever imagined this would be happening to me. And I can tell you that I had ZERO preparation or knowledge of the “right” steps. Are there really right steps in a situation like this?
Let me put it this way. He was my husband. We had only been married 8 months when I got this phone call. I had pledged my life to him; vowed to be with him until death do us part, in good times and bad, in sickness and health. And I had no clue he had this dark side.
Over the course of the summer, my feelings and emotions changed daily. Really, oftentimes hourly. People would ask me how I was doing and I honestly couldn’t answer. How was I supposed to be doing? But I kept on moving forward, because I had to. I needed to.
So here we are. Four months into this living nightmare. I am learning to forgive. Learning to release my anger. Yes, I’ve been in counseling. Yes, I have support. Thank goodness for it, because I know I wouldn’t have been able to go through this alone.
And yes, everything has changed. My feelings. My thoughts. My marriage. Nothing will ever be the same. And truthfully, I’m thankful for that.
I’m stronger. I’m resilient. What I am not is a victim. I didn’t sit back, nor will I, and play the “woe is me” game.
Crap happens. Every day. What will make or break you is how you handle that crap. I know I haven’t handled it perfectly, but I am working on making the best of this situation. And I’m working on making the best of it for me. Because that’s all I can control right now.
Life as I know it has completely changed. But it’s also opened my eyes to who I am, who I want to be, and what I want (and don’t want) in my life.
Now it’s time to move onward and upward. It’s time for me to make some necessary changes and start healing.
So here we go.
I hope y’all have a fabulous week.
With love and wellness,