I've spent a lot of time during this long weekend reflecting on this past year. In just a few days, it will have been one year since my world was flipped upside down.
Memorial Day last year...I spent it with my husband and my gym doing the hero workout, Murph (1 mile run, 100 pull-ups, 200 push-ups, 300 air squats, 1 mile run), then hosting a pool party at our house. It was a successful weekend...one that I remember with happiness.
But I also remember it with some sadness. Because just a few days after the party, I got a phone call that would forever change the trajectory of my life. And some news that would forever sully that Memorial Day weekend.
I mean, when you get a phone call from your husband and the first words out of his mouth are, "We need to talk," you know you're in for a bad day.
This year, Memorial Day weekend. Same workout in Murph, same gym family, but totally different circumstances. I am currently going through a divorce. My soon to be ex-husband is in prison in New Jersey. And I no longer live in a beautiful home with a pool to enjoy after the workout.
Yes, this past year has been one I will never forget. I had so many ups and so many downs. And I have so many moments I'll never actually remember. In fact, most of last summer was a blur.
But it's also a year that I will cherish forever. It is one that I didn't think I would survive. That I didn't know how I would survive...how I possibly could survive.
One evening you go to bed next to your husband, three kiddos asleep in the house. The next afternoon, you get a phone call that your husband has been arrested and won't be coming home for the weekend. And as much as we hoped it would be different, he never came home. He spent the rest of 2017 in a jail, and has since been moved to a prison in New Jersey.
I struggled a lot last year...trying to figure out how I felt, if I was going to stay and support him, if I could ever feel the same about him. There is so much that happened, that went on inside of me, that I had to deal with...that I NEVER thought I would come to terms with.
I lost a lot of friends. But I gained a whole bunch of new ones. I grew closer to people I was only acquaintances with previously. And I don't even speak to some of the people I was insanely close with beforehand.
But something like this? Well, it changes you. And it changes relationships with people.
Everyone said they understood and they were amazing. They were there. They let me talk about it. But nobody could even begin to understand what exactly I was going through. What exactly had happened. The emotions. The every day life. The ups and downs.
One minute I would be fine. And the next I would be bent over in tears, barely able to breathe.
And I learned so much about myself. I learned how strong I was. How much I could handle and still move forward. I learned I could still get up every day, put one foot in front of the other, no matter how dismal everything looked. I learned what I wanted in a relationship. And I learned what I would absolutely NOT tolerate. At all.
I've also changed. How could I not? I'll be honest...my BS level is incredibly low. I don't put up with as much as I used to. And while I'm still incredibly giving, I've also learned to put myself first. I have to. I won't survive if I don't.
But the number one thing I learned is that it's not the mountain...or the situation I'm in...that I have to conquer. It's myself. I couldn't allow myself to be negative...or at least to stay in that place very long. I couldn't allow myself to feel sorry for myself...or at least for very long. Yes, I've had my moments...specifically asking "Why me?" But I focused more on what I could get out of this situation. How could I stay positive? How could I help the kids stay positive? How could I help them, period?
And I'd like to think I did a really good job of focusing on the positives. Because let's be real, there aren't a whole lot in a situation like this. But I've made it this far. I've made it a year.
I'm a different person than I was a year ago. I'm better. Stronger. Braver. I trust in God so much more than I did. I believe in myself. I've found some amazing people to surround myself with. And I'm allowing myself to feel again. To dream again. To focus on my future and what I want out of it.
So remember, as you go through terrible situations, don't allow yourself to stay in the negative places, to feel sorry for yourself for too long. Keep moving forward, keep putting one foot in front of the other. Be strong. Conquer YOURSELF and you will conquer anything.
I hope you all had an amazing weekend. Thank you for your continued love and support!
With love and wellness,
I think a lot of people set amazing goals. Huge goals. And they have massive dreams.
However, I also think a lot of people then get overwhelmed by those huge goals and massive dreams.
I mean...how do you reach those goals? How do you make those dreams come true? Where do you start? What's the most important thing?
So. Many. Questions.
It can be very overwhelming and far too often, people get so discouraged and quit even before they start.
There are so many things that can stand in the way...lack of funding. Lack of ideas. Lack of motivation. Lack of support. Lack of effort. Lack of materials. Lack of mindset. Oh...and you know...excuses.
But there are ways you can get past those questions, excuses, and "lack ofs."
First and foremost, don't let your huge goals and dreams scare you. Don't look at the big picture and wonder how the heck you're going to get there. Break it down into smaller goals, smaller steps. For instance, you have a goal that you want to accomplish in a year. That's 12 months during which you can work towards that goal. Break it down into monthly goals. And even more so from there, break it into weekly or daily goals.
To put it into easier terms, take it in smaller chunks, which are easier and quicker to achieve, than staring so long at the big goal that nothing happens.
And yes, while I may not have the answers to getting money or materials for achieving your goal, there is something you can do to make it happen sooner rather than later.
Do what is NECESSARY now.
That may mean you start purchasing items in piece meal (if your goal is building a business, for instance). Or it may mean getting a part time job (if your goal is more money to pay off debt or for a vacation or honeymoon or whatever the case may be).
Let me repeat that. Do what is NECESSARY now. It may mean you have to make some sacrifices, but they are most likely temporary (and 100% necessary).
As you start achieving those little goals and you are earning more money or buying more materials, then you realize you can start doing what is possible! How amazing is that?!
You can start looking at what needs to be done to start your business. You can start paying off your debt with the extra money you're earning. Or you can start researching vacation ideas and how much it's going to cost (if you haven't already).
As you're achieving those small goals and checking off your achievements, you are moving even closer to your huge goals and dreams! And I can guarantee you are feeling more confident and believing in yourself more and more! Isn't it such an awesome feeling?!
Before you know it, you are doing the impossible! What people, and maybe even you, said wouldn't ever happen!
It takes baby steps. Perseverance. Pushing through hard times. But if you start by doing what's necessary, then move to doing what's possible, you'll soon be knocking the impossible tasks out of the park!
I know I've been struggling with this lately. I have huge goals but I have been floundering with how to achieve them. So...yep... I am taking a step back, I'm going to write out my smaller goals that will help me achieve my huge goals, and then I'm going to chip away at them.
We all need help every now and again with resetting. We get lost along the way. Other priorities come up. Major life events happen. But being able to restart, reset...that's what is important.
I hope you all have a beautiful day, a beautiful week! Here's to setting some huge goals, and then setting some smaller goals to help achieve those huge goals! What are YOUR goals? I'd love to hear about them in the comments!
With love and wellness,
One day, there won't be any more "one day."
Read that again. Let it sink in.
We often spend so much of our time saying, "I'll get to that next week," or "I'll start on Monday," or "That's a great plan for next year." But those "nexts" don't ever happen. We keep putting off the things we really want until we have more money, we are married, we have the new job... fill in the blank with whatever you have been saying to yourself.
I don't know about you, but I don't want to keep waiting to do the things I want to do. I don't want to keep waiting until the next "next."
The important question, however, is WHY do we do that? Why do we wait to fulfill our happiness and wants and desires? Why do those things get put on the back burner?
I think we get lulled into a false sense that we have all the time in the world. That it won't matter if we wait because tomorrow will always come and we'll always have the time to do whatever it is we want to do.
I also think it's because we like to stay in our safe zones. We want to be comfortable and not step outside of our bubbles. And while that isn't necessarily a bad thing, it causes a lot of us to put our big dreams and plans on hold. Oftentimes on a permanent hold!
I know I talk a lot about comfort zones and getting out of them and following your dreams, but this post is also about doing the things you want to do with your family and loved ones. Saying things you want and need to say to other people. It isn't just about following your dreams in business, but it's about following your dreams in life.
We are only here for a limited time. And unfortunately, none of us know when our time will be up.
So do the things you've been putting off! Don't keep delaying them until the next "next." Because one day, we won't have any more "one days."
Live passionately. Call a friend you haven't talked to in awhile and catch up. Make those plans to visit a family member. Or to travel where you've always wanted to go.
Live. Your. Life.
Don't stay so comfortable in your safety zone that your life passes you by without fully living and enjoying your life!
What are you putting off til tomorrow? Til the next "next?" What can you start putting into action today?
Have a beautiful week! And I hope all you mothers had a glorious Mother's Day!
With love and wellness,
Sometimes the greatest risk is not taking any risks at all.
If you never try anything new, you'll never grow or change. And yes, you may fail, but that's okay. Failure isn't anything to be afraid of. It means you've lived and you've tried new things. And now you know what doesn't work and you can focus on what does!
I wish someone had told me this years ago. Because I used to be so afraid of trying anything new. I liked my little comfort zone bubble.
Until I didn't anymore.
You know what I'm talking about. Where you are comfortable in the norm. Get up, go to work, come home, make dinner, go to bed. Maybe throw a workout in there. Hang out with some friends. But for the most part, it's the same old, same old...day in and day out.
And for a long while I was okay with that. I was comfortable.
But then something changed. I wanted something more. And I couldn't explain it. I just...I was no longer happy. And I dreaded the norm.
For a long time, I was scared to make any changes. When people would ask me what I was afraid of, I answered, "Failure."
I look back at that and I shake my head. Because I have failed at so many things. And it doesn't make me a failure. And I never gave up because of those failures. In fact, they made me try harder and look at new ways of achieving my goals!
This is important to say and to remember: Failures ARE NOT a bad thing.
Did you know that Walt Disney was fired from the Kansas City Star in 1919 because his editor said he "lacked imagination and had no good ideas?" Ummmm...what?!
Not to mention... Madonna. Oprah Winfrey. Thomas Edison. Steve Jobs.
All these people were, by all counts, considered failures. But they didn't let getting fired or being told they weren't good enough bring them down. Instead, they learned from those failures and wow...look at their success stories!
So yes...I wish I had learned this lesson long ago. But I am so thankful I am now okay with trying new things, even if it means I fail at them. Because I am continually growing and learning and improving in everything I do.
What about you? Where are you in reaching and achieving your goals? What are you afraid of trying?
As a health coach, I would love to help you overcome these fears! I would love to help you achieve your goals!
I hope you all have a beautiful week! And try something new this week! You never know what could happen!
With love and wellness,