For those of you who have been following me awhile, you'll remember when I posted a few months about about how deciding to stay in a marriage to work things out was the hard decision. And conversely, that deciding to leave was easy. An easy out, per se.
Allow me to apologize for that post.
Neither decision is easy. Neither one is the easy out. And no matter which one you choose, you will always have questions and doubts about whether you are making (or have made) the right decision.
There is no right or wrong answer when it comes to marriage and who should stay in one or who should leave. Or at least, there isn't one that anyone else can make for you. You, as the person who is making the decision, are the ONLY one who can make it.
I wish there was some magical advice for people having troubles in their marriages. Some people turn to counseling, some people turn to God, while other people turn to much uglier alternatives (cheating, drugs, alcohol, etc.).
But again, there is no right or wrong answer when it comes to matters of the heart.
For me, I had a lot of doubts. A lot of questions. Things I wish could have been resolved with a snap of a finger (don't we all??).
Unfortunately, it doesn't work that way.
I had to do a lot of praying and analyzing. However, I also did a lot of worrying and had sleepless nights and I questioned myself, as well as other people, about what I "should" do.
There came a point where I just had to let it go. No amount of worrying and questioning and driving myself crazy was going to give me an answer. I had to let it go and give it to God. I asked people for prayers and I prayed daily, sometimes multiple times a day, about providing me the guidance for my future.
And miraculously, without killing myself to figure it out, I had my answer. I had my aha moment, where I knew what I wanted to do and was finally at peace with the decision I was making.
Here's the thing...nobody could tell me what I should do or what the right answer was. Nobody was living in my shoes or my situation or knew what I felt or knew or needed.
Believe me, everyone will have their opinions and will give you their two (or three) cents about what you "should" do or what they would do in your situation. But I can promise that NOBODY knows what they would do in any situation until they are put into it.
So if you're going through a difficult time in your relationship and struggling to make a decision, especially one as hard as divorcing or staying, give yourself grace. Allow yourself to feel what you're feeling. And shut out everyone else's opinions. Because in the end, the only person who's opinion matters is your own.
I hope you all have a beautiful week. And know that I am praying for all of you...please message me if there is anything specific I can pray for you. Also know that I am here if you have any questions or concerns. Everyone has their struggles. And I want you to know that you are not alone.
With love and wellness,
Sometimes it feels like everything that can go wrong, goes wrong. Like nothing in life is easy. And every little thing that comes your way is just hard.
I had one of these moments last week. Where I just wanted something, anything, one thing to be easy. When things aren't going your way, it seems as if EVERYTHING is going wrong.
I ended up having one of those days where I just sat down and cried. Because I seriously felt as if the world was out to get me. It was just one hit after another....or at least it seemed that way.
This, however, becomes a slippery slope. Because the more we focus on the things going wrong, the more it seems as if everything continues to go wrong. As if nothing in our life is going right.
I mean, I'm not going to lie...this past year has been insane. There's been a lot of crap that has happened. And it would have been really easy to fall into a rut, curl into a ball, and do a whole lot of nothing.
And sometimes the only thing a person can do is put one foot in the other and keep on moving forward.
I'll let you in on a little secret though. Even if it seems as if everything is going extremely wrong, there is ALWAYS something in your life going right. So I made it a point, even when I was feeling down, to name three things I was grateful for. Every day.
Some days were harder than others. There were some days I had to search for the three things I was grateful for. But I always found them. There were always three things. And usually I ended up thinking of more.
Because let's be real. Life is hard.
There will ALWAYS be hard things in life. ALWAYS.
But it's how you approach those hard things that will really determine how and what happens in your life. And it's what you focus on that will really make all the difference in the world.
For you see, when you focus on the good things, you continue to SEE the good things. But when you focus on the bad things, you continue to SEE the bad things.
And knowing this, I don't allow myself to focus solely on the bad things. I don't want to dwell there. I don't want to keep seeing the bad things in my life.
I don't know about you, but I would much rather focus on the good things. I feel so much better when I'm positive and happy. I mean...duh. Who wouldn't?
But this world? Well...we have a tendency to focus on the bad things. Dwell on the all the things going wrong. And it becomes a terrible thing we hold onto. A terrible thing that just continues.
But try it...for a week. Be grateful for three things. Every day. See how it changes your life.
And yes, I know I've talked about this before. But it is so insanely important.
Focus on the good. And you'll continue to see and feel the good.
Try it. Comment below and let me know how it goes.
It doesn't mean bad things won't happen. It just means you won't dwell on them and stay in that negative place.
I hope you have an awesome week! And stay positive! Always.
With love and wellness,
So I just finished my third book of the year (really, it’s been more than that as I read a bunch on the plane to and from Okinawa, but they were zombie books, so I’m not counting those, LOL).
Anyhow. My beautiful friend, Gina, shared this book with me in January. It ended up being my March book, but it was one I was able to read through pretty quickly. However, it isn’t one I will soon forget.
It’s called “The Believer’s Guide to the Jesus Gym.”
As you can see, it’s very fitting for my lifestyle. And it definitely made perfect sense.
The main premise of the book is that, like muscles in your body can be built by going to the gym, so can your Jesus muscles be built by spending time with Him.
I wish I would have read this book years ago. Because I stayed away from God and church for far too long…for reasons that you may understand. I’ve touched on this in previous blog posts, but it’s really spoken to me recently as I’ve started reading my bible daily and finished this book.
You see, I never thought I was good enough to go to church. I was a sinner. I was judgmental. And I experienced feelings of jealousy and anxiety and anger. How could I possibly be accepted at church? How could I be a good representation of a Christian for other people when I didn’t even know what a good Christian was supposed to look like?
And truthfully, I still feel like this…often. I’m impatient. I have road rage (not the “I’m going to follow you and cut you off (or worse)” kind, but the frustrated/irritated kind). I still get pangs of jealousy every now and again. And yep. I worry. A lot.
But the difference now is that I turn towards God in prayer much sooner than I ever did before. I recognize the feelings I’m having, the actions I’m taking, and I take a step back and put it in God’s hands.
I’ve also realized one very important component of all this.
I. Am. Human.
What?! Say it ain’t so!!
I know, I know. It seems so simple to say, but all those feelings I described are human emotions. And while I try to be more God-like, I know that I will always fall short…yep, because I’m human.
All I know is that I try my very best every day. And I spend time with God daily. I haven’t been the greatest at going back to church this year. I definitely need to make some changes with that.
But this book? Well, this book helped me realize it is a daily journey. And that the only person responsible for building my spiritual muscles is ME!
I hope you all have a beautiful week. Enjoy what God has given you in this amazing life. And be grateful daily.
With love and wellness,
"I'm too old."
"I don't know enough."
"I'm different from everyone else."
"I've never done something like this before."
Do any of these sound familiar? Have you ever said one of these to yourself or to someone else?
Far too often, we use these as excuses for not moving forward. For staying in the same place, day after day, year after year.
We get stuck.
We allow these same thoughts to keep us in the "safe" place we've been in. I know I was stuck there for a long time. I was too scared to make any changes. I was too scared I would FAIL. That I was too old to make huge life changes. That I had never been a sales person before. That I couldn't help people.
Wow. All those things I was telling myself....well, they were LIES. They were nothing more than things I believed, for far too long, that weren't true. Remember my post from last week? What we tell ourselves is what we believe! Yes, even when they are lies.
But you know what's great about life? You are NEVER too old to make a huge life change. And there are ways to LEARN new things and continue growing and expanding our knowledge base. And who cares if you've never done something before? Now is your chance to do it and cross it off your list!
As children, we were fearless. Do you remember that? I was just talking about this with my roommate. Swinging on the swings and being fearless as we jumped from the highest point of the swing and laughing uncontrollably the whole way! But now, as an adult, I get on a swing and the thought of jumping terrifies me. Yes, it could be the two knee surgeries I've had, but still, it terrifies me.
When and why does this change? Why do we stop being fearless? Why do we stop being courageous and wanting to learn and try new things? Why do we want to stay stuck in the same place, even if it makes us unhappy?
Is it because it's "easier?" Is it because we know we'll get that paycheck every two weeks? Is it because it's the "safe" route?
Yes. Yes. And yes.
I know those answers because they were why I stayed in my unhappy place for longer than I should have. I didn't trust in myself. I didn't trust in the process. I didn't trust that things would be okay.
But I am so happy I took the leap of faith two years ago...WOW. I just realized this month marks two years that I've been out on my own, away from the safety net of my government job. How crazy is that?!
I was so terrified that I was making the wrong decision, but after walking out of my boss's office from telling her I was leaving, I knew I had made the right decision. I felt lighter, happier, at ease. And while it certainly hasn't been the easiest journey, it has 100% been worth every single crazy bit of it!
So yes, know that it won't always be easy. But also know that your gut, your heart, will tell you when you're headed in the right direction. Learn to listen to it. To trust it. And know that you are NEVER too old to start something new. Ever.
Be brave. Be uncertain. Be different. Start late. JUST START.
Whatever it is, just START. Take risks. Take chances. It may just change your life.
Have a beautiful week!
With love and wellness,