Having a miscarriage is incredibly difficult. Not just physically because of what your body goes through with the hormones and then the expelling of everything, but it is emotionally one of the hardest things I've ever gone through.
It's losing someone you've never met, but you've loved with your whole heart. It's not having someone to touch or bury or have any semblance of peace over losing. And when you think you're okay, it hits you like a ton of bricks that you aren't, in fact, okay.
It's a pregnancy announcement. It's an announcement of a new baby born. It's the unfortunate announcement that someone else has had a miscarriage. It's any of these things on TV shows you watch. Any and all of these bring it all back. The pain. The tears. The heartbreak. The sorrow. The loss.
I doubt it will ever get easier. I doubt the tears will ever stop. Because we've lost 4 babies. Four babies that aren't with us, but watching over us. And sometimes it brings me to my knees in pain and tears. And there will never be enough words to describe exactly how it feels.
It's also one of the loneliest things I've ever gone through. It's hard for me to ask for help, especially when it's been months since it's happened. It's also hard admitting that I'm sad, that I'm not okay, that the world isn't a happy place for me right now.
It's also difficult not knowing if or when it will ever happen. Yes, I'm staying positive. I can picture myself pregnant. I pray and have faith that it will happen. But it's one of the hardest things not knowing. I do my best to not stress over it, but it can be all consuming. It's hard to NOT think about it.
I know I'll be okay. I know everything will be okay. We'll have our baby. But it's so hard waiting and being patient and not knowing.
But for now, I'll embrace the grief. I'll ride the waves as they come. Sometimes I'll be fine, and sometimes I'll be down. And it will be okay.
For any of you going through something similar, know that you aren't alone. And it's okay to feel this way. To have the ups and downs. To be happy and then to be sad. And it's okay to ask for help. Also, I am here if you need someone to talk to.
I love y'all. And I'm thankful for you being a part of our journey.
Have a beautiful week!
With love and wellness,
As you all know, I am passionate about my skincare. Many of you don't know me from my acne days, but I used to have the worst hormonal acne. I don't have a whole lot of pictures from those days, because let's face it, I hated having my picture taken. If you have any sort of skin ailment, you know what I'm talking about.
Lucky me, I'm Irish and super pale so my bright red acne really stood out like a sore thumb. It's all I saw when I looked in the mirror. And it almost made it worse when I tried covering it with makeup. My skin was super dry so it just flaked off and looked like makeup covered bumps. It was super attractive.
It took some drastic changes in my lifestyle, but also a really great skincare line to get where I am now...clear skin and happy with my results!
It first started with a sugar detox. I was hopelessly addicted to sugar and didn't even realize how it was wreaking havoc on my skin and my body. My hormones were all out of whack, starting with how my skin looked but finishing with insane monthly cycles and cramps. It was awful.
Let's just say by day 7 of my sugar detox, my skin was already starting to clear up and I was sleeping better. It was one of the hardest things I've ever done...go 21 days without sugar. But it was, without a doubt, something I absolutely needed. I had to cut the cord on the hold sugar had on me. That was the start of my health journey and one of the best things I've every done for myself.
Oh, it took a couple months and some essential oils, but my cycles started regulating for the first time in my life! Also one of the best things to come out of my detox!
From that point forward, I was on a quest to find the best skincare for myself. My skin had cleared up from the worst of my acne, but I still suffered from breakouts, had scarring from previous breakouts, and had terribly dry and red skin.
Let's just say I tried literally everything. From over the counter stuff that was allegedly the best to dermatologist prescriptions to antibiotics. It was ugly and depressing. My skin was drier than ever and sometimes painful and sore. And I had a graveyard of products under my sink that just didn't work. Not even a little bit.
The first step that I tried was essential oils. I figured something natural could be better than the prescriptions and over the counter washes that dried my skin out. I used coconut oil as my lotion and a face wash made with essential oils. It definitely helped as my face was no longer insanely dry, but I still had breakouts here and there, plus I wasn't getting any younger (hello fine lines, wrinkles, and pores).
When a friend of mine introduced Rodan+Fields to me, I first said no thank you. I thought I had it all figured out. I didn't want to try anything new. I mean, my skin was *finally* not breaking out daily. I was scared to try something new.
But I finally decided to try it. I had been through so many other products, the least I could do was try it out. After one night of the microdermabrasion scrub and an intensive renewing serum, I was sold. I had never felt my skin so soft nor had I never seen it so smooth and glowing. It was crazy. I couldn't stop petting my face even into the next morning.
The two regimens I started with were Soothe, for red and dry skin, and Unblemish, for adult hormonal acne. To say that I haven't looked back is an understatement. I look back at old pictures of myself and feel like I look older then than I do now. Aging isn't a bad thing, but it's nice to not look my age and to look even better as I get older.
The proof truly came for me when my mom started using it and absolutely fell in love with her results and the products. She had always been into high end skincare products and had taken care of her skin much better than I ever did. Knowing she was a convert helped me fall even more in love with this company.
Yes, I sell skincare. But I also sell confidence and happiness and clear skin. It truly has been a blessing in my life, and not just my skin.
If you're interested in finding out which skincare regimen is best for you, click here and take a quick test. The doctors will recommend what is best for your concerns. No purchase necessary! Just a little test :)
I hope you all have a great week. And if you haven't found skincare you love yet, hit me up. I'd love to grab some coffee and chat about some skincare. I even have samples!
With love and wellness,
So, long before I got married, long before marriage was even on my radar, I used to wonder how people knew they wanted to marry their significant other. I mean, how did they know the person they were with was the one they wanted to spend their life with?
It's an important question. One that I always wanted the answer to.
People kept telling me they "just knew." But what in the heck does that mean? How does that even help people?!
I'll admit...I was lost for awhile. Figuring myself out. Figuring out what I wanted in a guy.
And my first marriage...well, we all know how that ended. But I look back now and I can see that I wasn't nearly as fulfilled as I thought I was. Or should be. I often wondered if my first year of marriage was supposed to feel that way. It wasn't supposed to be like that, right?!
I can't say that I'm not happy with how things turned out. And I certainly can't say that I'm not happy being exactly where I am supposed to be.
But life was hard for awhile. I thought I would be single forever following that whole fiasco. I had a series of mishaps with guys...so I swore them off. I literally wanted nothing to do with guys.
And then Nick walked into my life. I know, I know...it's so cliche to say that he's everything I didn't even know I was looking for. But it's 100% true.
He very quickly found a way into my life and into my heart that I didn't even know was missing. He proved to me that not every guy is the same. Because yes, we fall into that place. We tell ourselves that every guy will treat us poorly. That every guy only wants one thing. That every guy will hurt us.
And yes, I tried to push him away. I really did. I didn't want to be hurt again. The way I'd been hurt over and over again.
But he was patient. And he showed me that he was real. He was in it for the long haul. And he wasn't going anywhere.
I knew very quickly that he was the man I wanted to spend my life with. And I realized that people meant it when they said they "just knew." I had finally figured it out. There really wasn't a way to explain it...there still really isn't.
But I want to try. Because I want you to understand what it means to find the person you're meant to be with. I don't want you to settle. I want you to hold out for someone who makes you feel like you're the only woman (or man) alive. And will do everything in their power to make you happy. I promise...it's out there!
Here's how I knew Nick was for me... and what you should look for.
I can be my truest self around him. Like, my goofy, all over the place, hot mess self. I don't have to hide who I am because he accepts me for exactly who I am. He loves me when I'm sad, when I'm angry, when I'm happy, when I'm goofy, when I'm tired, when I'm hyper, when I'm grumpy. He loves me for me. Period. No questions asked. And I, without a doubt, know that. Even though I ask him all the time if he loves me, LOL. See...he puts up with a lot!
He goes above and beyond to make sure I'm happy. And vice versa. We compromise. We put each others' needs and wants first. He's gone out late at night to satisfy a craving I've had or to put gas in my car, knowing I don't have time to do it the next day. He genuinely takes care of me. In a way I've never been taken care of before. And yes, I know...I am an independent woman and can take care of myself, but it sure is nice to have someone help you carry the load. An equal partner in crime is amazing!
The other important thing is that we talk about everything. There isn't anything I can't tell him. Or don't want to tell him. We even tell each other the hard stuff...the hard truths, so to speak. The ones we don't want to hear, but we have to in order to grow. He's the one I want to call whenever anything happens. And that, my friends, is very important to have!
We also push each other to reach our goals. We hold each other accountable. We work together, run ideas by each other, help each other grow. We truly are partners in every sense. Personal. Professional. Fitness. Fun. It's nice to have him by my side.
We respect one another. Even if (and when) we don't always agree on something. We still respect one another and our respective opinions. We talk about things and come to a mutual agreement. We don't blindside one another without discussing things first.
Lastly, I'm at peace. I don't question him. I don't question us. I don't question our relationship. I know, without a doubt, that I am loved and respected and cherished. That Nick only does what is in our best interest...for our family. He works his butt off every day and then comes home and spoils the crap out of me. And I 100% do not take advantage of it! We spoil one another, really.
For me, this is the best relationship I've ever been in. The easiest and hardest one at the same time. Any relationship takes work, especially when it comes to marriage. But it's one I will fight for, for the rest of my life. Because it is 100% worth it.
So wait for that. Wait for the person you can be yourself with. The person you don't have to hide any part of you from. The person who will bend over backwards to make sure you're happy and well taken care of.
Don't settle. Never settle. You're worth so much more than anything less than that.
I hope y'all have an amazing week! And have an even brighter outlook for 2020!
With love and wellness,
Okay, so we're almost a week into 2020 and I know, I know. We've made big plans, big resolutions...we're going to take 2020 by storm and make this our year.
But what changes have you made so far? What have you done to make 2020 your best year yet? Have you done anything yet?
Yes, I know...you're thinking to yourself, "Okay, Whitney...it's literally been a week. How much could I have possibly done in a week?"
I get it...I haven't made huge progress in actually DOING anything, but I have made plans. I've worked on my mindset because 2019 was hard. It was hard mentally and emotionally. And truthfully, I've needed a change in my mindset for awhile now.
I started playing the what if game again. And not in a good way. What if I am never able to stay pregnant? What if I can't carry a child to term? What if I have some weird mutation or something going on that makes it impossible?
Now, tell me, how are any of those thoughts good? How can they possibly help me in any way?
So instead, I've been working on what ifs in the positive manner. What if my next pregnancy is the one that results in our baby? What if I've been making all the best changes I can for me and my body? What if everything works out as it's supposed to? And by everything, I mean everything!
And Nick and I have made big plans for ourselves. We've laid them out in detail too. Not just saying them or just throwing things around. We're on the same page for where we're going and what we're going to do. And call me crazy, but that makes me feel so accomplished.
We know where we're going, what we want to achieve, and why we want these things. While we have plans, we don't necessarily know how we're going to get there. But that's okay. We have plans and we have faith. Sometimes you don't have to know the how...you just have to trust the process and keep moving forward.
So let's get back to the real question...what have you done to make this year your best year yet? What are you planning to do? How are you going to stick with the process?
So far, I've made plans. I know where we want to go. Now it's a matter of putting those plans in a place where I can see them every day. I want to be reminded of them daily. I want to take action every day to get there. Whether that action is small or large, I want to make sure I'm taking some sort of action.
I'm ready to start making my dreams come true. All of them.
How about you?
To do that, stop just talking about your plans. Write them out. Put them someplace you can see them. Take action to achieve them every day. It doesn't have to be a huge step, just take a step...every single day, take a step!
And remember, it doesn't have to happen all at once. Small chunks, small actions will get you where you want to go.
Make a plan. Write it out. Take action every day. You'll get where you're going!
Have a fabulous week, my friends! And a glorious 2020!
With love and wellness,